Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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