no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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