Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
