Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
