just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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