whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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