Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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