I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
