I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
