I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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