Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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