How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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