It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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