i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
