I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
