my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
