If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
