yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
