I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
