my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
