Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
