I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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