I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
