She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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