I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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