why didn't you poke me back
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
