Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
