but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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