he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
