my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
