Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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