the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
