Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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