the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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