Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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