I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
