Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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