There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
