I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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