she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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