please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
