nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
