you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
