he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
