Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
