a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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