he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
