the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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