if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
