we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
