I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
