He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
